RiffTrax Shorts

What is fifth-grader Charlie hiding from his family, his classmates, the customers on his newspaper route? What is it that keeps Charlie one step ahead of the law and living in constant fear, never using his own name and unable to set down roots no matter where he goes? Find out in Bridget and Mary Jo's holiday special, Charlie's Christmas Secret!

Since every entertainment franchise has put out their own version of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, it's only fitting that the maniacs at Coronet Films decided to make their own. Apparently filmed during the Rutherford B. Hayes administration, Coronet opted not to use their stable of regulars in favor of a bunch of guys who probably were born before man had mastered flight.

The elderly shoemaker and his wife are puppets in a little puppet village, where everything looks like it was made of damp papier-mâché that was already used for something else. They're barely scraping by, because honestly they're pretty lazy. Fortunately, some sort of fairy king senses their plight and dispatches little weirdos to break into their hovel and pitch in.

It's a classic Christmas situation ripped right out of your childhood! A small Texan boy, who's exploring Germany alone, wanders into an old Bavarian church and admires the traditional music and architecture. The boy proceeds to fall asleep, and things get Extremely Weird, as he ascends to some kind of heaven, where angelic children live under the rule of some kind of dictator Santa.

Does any holiday have more memorable iconography than Christmas? Decorated fir trees. Stockings hung on the mantel. Santa's famous mask. What's that? Oh, did Santa not wear a mask apparently made out of dried skin where you were from? Because where we are from, Santa definitely wore said mask and in December we would watch A Christmas Fantasy every night until the social workers came.

"Drawing for Beginners" may be the stupidest series of shorts we've riffed here at RiffTrax. The fact that we have riffed an entire series where kids make crap out of garbage should really drive home how insane these shorts are. Pull up an oddly motionless, disembodied hand and lower your expectations and intelligence level, because it's time to draw some damn triangles baby!

The bug who happens to be a lady crawls around asking everyone she sees why it is so cold. She is told repeatedly it's because Winter Is Coming and yet she persists in her willful ignorance. We're giving away all the best plot points but we hope you will enjoy it anyway!