Porridge

"Twenty-three and you want to go straight? What kind of talk is that? You've got your whole life in front of you!" It's Godber's first time in prison, and Fletch is going to teach him how to survive.

Ives is such a loser that if Elizabeth Taylor had triplets, he'd have been the one in the middle. But there's no way he's going to be left out of Fletch's gambling enterprise.

Fletch explains to Godber that the best way to cope with his first night in prison is to see it as just a "quiet night in." Trouble is, Godber's got another 698 to go.

The rest of the working party is thrilled to have a day out, but Fletch is masking indifference - what's so exciting about digging a ditch anyway?

Who would want to spend eight hours a day sewing fishing nets? Not Fletch, who is hell-bent on a cushy job in the library.

Fletch fancies himself as a bit of an agony aunt and is called upon by his fellow inmates to help out with affairs of the heart.