RiffTrax Shorts

Frustrating Fours and Fascinating Fives! No, it's not an epic film about Mark Wahlberg's decades-long struggle to count all the way to ten. Instead it's about dealing with the pesky child who has rudely decided to grow up in your house. But that's not all: unlike most child development films this one carries a hint of DANGER!

Roll up a big ball of homemade clay, gnaw off a bite or two, and form it into one of the various abominations depicted on screen. Because you can't spell "The company that made these was likely shut down by the feds after parents complained that their children couldn't sleep because they were plagued by dreams of fancy headdress-wearing cylinders tunneling into their brains" without ACI!

Not just a cruel nickname for the kid in the elementary school cafeteria with an unfortunate skin condition anymore, it's Warty the Toad! Quite possibly our wartiest short yet, and the first to feature real live pond critters voiced by a real live pond person. Reached for comment, Kermit the Frog has denied all knowledge of Warty the Toad and categorically denies he is the father.

What would it be like if all the springs suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth? Correct! The world would become a spring-less hellscape, where planes plummet from the sky, car brakes fail, and middle aged schlubs find ways to enbaggify their hideous wardrobes even more! No springs!

This is the guiding ethos of ACI Films, makers of the famed At Your Fingertips series. A mysterious offscreen voice instructs terrified children how to construct terrifying crafts out of scrap materials while a druggy soundtrack plays. This time we're making puppets, which are terrifying even when not constructed by the lunatics at ACI, so you know you're in for something special.

We're proud to say we've discovered another documentary, Flying Saucer Mystery, that gives viewers the truth, the whole truth, and several ugly 1950s guys. Presenting hard, incontrovertible facts such as "I can't be sure, but it looked like a flying saucer," and "I didn't get a good look at it but it was probably 50 feet in radius." Get it now before the government can [REDACTED].

Willy is about crossing the street. Specifically, teaching kids how to cross the street safely and not just stand there screaming in terror at the floating sentient whistle who has just appeared to order them around. Look both ways then join Mike, Kevin, and Bill, for Willy Whistle! Willy commands it!

Yes, Harv and Marv, the barefoot, lumpy duo who apparently loathe each other are back once again to observe young children in the bathroom. It's all quite horrible enough without the stunning revelation that Harv and Marv are not human. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the latest installment with their favorite pair of inhuman, time-travelling hobbit-hobos.