1000 Ways To Die

Cross dresser has bad start to new year; Girl gymnast does a nasty split; Cremator gets creamed; Liquid cocaine is NOT an energy drink; Stewardess makes unscheduled landing; Taxidermist stuffs his face; Pumpkin thief gets gourd.

A sign spinner spins out; A mob hit goes bad; Cloud seeding gets rocky; Recipe thief gets her goose cooked; A corporate spy hits the fan; Tobacco chewer gets chewed out; Mad scientist gets reanimated.

A murderer busts out of the nut house; Big boobies do in a stripper; Mean caretaker gets pickled; Free runner runs out of time; Softballer busts a gut; Two hunters get dogged; Japanese game show contestant gets deep sixed.

A hairdresser swallows too many 'leg spreaders';Katrina looters get a shock;1920's pipe-hitting homeboys;phony doctor gets touched by a leper;scizzor lift cuts a bookie;a mistress loses face;a cell phone user gets disconnected.

An email scammer gets deleted;a hot co-ed flunks out;a grave robber digs his own;a war lord snorts crystal death;a couple screw themselves to death in mid-air;two losers suck and blow up;an old Nazi meets an old bullet.

A billionaire bottoms out; it's hard out there for a Russian pimp; gang bangers play doctor; a pyromaniac gets burned; an ice cream man gets iced; a bad actor needs a hand; a Greek gets his brass handed to him.

A roommate from hell gets sent back;death crashes a terrorist wedding;a big box falls on small heads;self-blood transfusion is never a good idea;a gangster spills his guts;a killer loses his head;a very bad santa gets iced.

A deadbeat dad goes through the roof;a stump humper gets eyeballed;a drinking game turns deadly;a dummy goes from spying to dying;video gamer gets poned;a mover stops moving;a poser artist explodes onto the scene.

A jersey chaser gets plugged;OCD stands for "of course (you're) dead";a terrorist eats himself to death;an animal abuser gets dog boned;a massage parlor patron has an unhappy ending;a bank robber loses his head.

A disco king hits the floor; a sauna contest gets gaseous; an upskirting perv gets busted; a meathead blows himself (up); a pot farmer gets munchied; a football coach splits his uprights; a drunk heckler gets fleshed out.

Total jerk gets cut down; Stalker gets smoked out; Football fanatic goes down in barfight; Drug addict gets crushed; Tomb raider goes batty; Hooker goes down on job; Terrorists learn about drones.

A hot welder goes down on the job; Unfaithful wife can't cheat death; '20's gangster gets steamed; Mother-in-law from hell goes back; Assassin is allergic to dying; Drunk wifey gets mowed down; Mayoral candidate gets the point.

A Medieval German gets stoned; Bachelor gets butted out; Con man guru flames out; Dog hater gets boned; Juvenile delinquent hates farmville; Car thief becomes roadkill; Girl gets waxed off.

Neo-nazi opens can of whoop ass; Epileptic stripper goes lights out; Poser diver washes out; Drug smugglers get caught red handed; Voyeur gets hood winked; Stalker gets shafted; Prankster's prank backfires.

Cheatin' hubby gets eaten by bear, old pervert sex-plodes, bride goes down at the altar, package thief gets anthrax surprise, insomniac commits hit & run, bearded hipster drowns, drunk worker's pants explode.

Disabled phony gets the shaft, cryogenics scammer gets frozen out, female oil wrestler goes down, drivers ed teacher loses control, bakery worker ices own cake, coal mining foreman explodes, toxic woman swallows.