Two and a Half Men

In the season premiere, Charlie deals with immediate aftermath of his canceled wedding and Alan's impulsive new marriage to 22-year-old Kandi. Still in Las Vegas, Alan and his materialistic bride find out.

Alan feels guilty when Charlie finally tells him why he broke up with Mia. The truth is that Charlie and Mia didn't get married because she had wanted Alan and Jake to move out.

Charlie attempts to surf in order to impress a beautiful girl--with disastrous results. Later, after nearly drowning, he tells Alan that when Charlie's life was hanging in the balance.

Alan and Kandi become embroiled in an unconventional custody battle. Alan is determined to retain custody of his and Kandi's dog after Kandi walks away from their split with both the condominium and the car.

Alan is overjoyed that he'll no longer owe Judith alimony when she marries her new fiancé, Herb. However, when Judith and Herb's marriage plans are threatened due to Jake's disdain for his soon-to-be stepfather, Alan enlists Charlie's help.

Although Charlie doesn't get along with his sharp-tongued, passive-aggressive mother, he is strangely attracted to Lydia, a blonde high-end real estate agent--which is exactly what his mother is. Unfortunately, the similarities don't end there.

When Berta swears vengeance on the married man who got her daughter, Naomi (recurring guest star SARA RUE), pregnant, she forces Charlie to come with her. Meanwhile, Naomi helps Berta with the housework. And Alan reveals an unusual fetish.

Unable to sleep, Alan takes Charlie's suggestion and goes for a jog on the beach. After his run takes a disastrous turn, Alan turns to a psychiatrist in the hope that discovering the source of his insomnia will help alleviate it.

During a double date, Charlie becomes annoyed with Alan for constantly borrowing money and promising to pay the tab "next time." When Alan leaves Charlie with the check after dinner, Charlie tries to beat him at his own game.

Charlie must choose between his girlfriend Lydia and Berta as they fight for his allegiance, each thinking the other has crossed the line. Meanwhile, Alan wants to sell an overpriced condominium that he and Kandi bought when they were married.

As Charlie prepares for a steamy Christmas Eve alone with his date, his friends and family keep dropping in--and staying--until Charlie finds himself hosting an unplanned, unwanted holiday party.

When Berta discovers that Alan has been secretly dating her daughter, Naomi (recurring guest star SARA RUE), Alan expects trouble. But Berta's reaction is surprising--and much worse--than Alan could have imagined.

Jake tells Charlie and Alan that he often overhears Judith and her fiancé, Herb, having sex, and he formulates a theory as to why his mom constantly gives Herb directions in bed.

After getting to know Danielle, the guys' hot new neighbor, Charlie discovers that she shares some common interests with Alan and proceeds--with ulterior motives--to set them up.

When Rose announces that she is moving to London permanently, Charlie doesn't listen at first. But he eventually realizes that he must face his true feelings for her.

A sexy young girl whom Charlie has been dating cajoles him into going to a hot new club and bringing Alan along to meet her friend. But when they arrive, Charlie and Alan are mortified to learn that the partygoers consider them old.

After Alan and Charlie tell Evelyn that none of her acquaintances will mourn her when she dies, she bitterly ignores them for a few weeks.

When Jake starts covering his walls with posters of sexy women, Alan realizes that his son is almost grown up. He makes a last-minute attempt at father-son bonding, wanting to make the most of what little childhood Jake has left.

As Judith and Herb's wedding nears, Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister, Myra. But Charlie's flirtation does not please Judith, who orders Alan to make Charlie stop pursuing Myra.

While Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding, Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister, Myra. Besides Judith's disapproval of the relationship, Charlie gets a surprise from Myra after admitting that he truly likes her.

When Greg, single father from Alan's support group who has been spending lot of time with Alan, reveals that he is gay, Charlie suspects that Greg is attracted to Alan. Alan initially refuses to believe that his friendship with Greg is anything romantic.

Jake experiences a windfall when Charlie takes him to the racetrack. Meanwhile, Alan is stuck in a hellish Department of Motor Vehicles office. Series star JON CRYER made his directorial debut with the episode. JOEL MURRAY guest stars as Petey.

Charlie loses a woman he is dating to a young, handsome handyman, Fernando, who is working on Charlie's house. Meanwhile, to Alan's consternation--and no one's surprise--Jake finds out that he must attend summer school because of his poor grades.

Charlie and Alan must confront their "daddy issues" when Evelyn's new boyfriend, Teddy (ROBERT WAGNER - "Hart to Hart"), invites them to Las Vegas on his private jet. MIKE CONNORS ("Mannix") guest stars as Hugo.