RiffTrax Shorts

Dinosaurs! They were fearsome! They were hulking! They were evidently quite poorly drawn! Join Mike, Kevin and Bill as they travel back in time to the age of the terrible lizard and try not to affect the future in terrible unforeseen ways, such as all taking the last name "Slapczynski".

Not to be confused with the equally-pathetic Superman villain Toyman, The Toymaker is a strange Scandinavian man who makes toys for all the children in his village and then pits two of his own puppet creations against each other in a race war of his own making. Then he sort of heavily insists that they respect and bow to him as their Creator and makes them afraid about their place in the universe.

Nutrition: The All-American Meal exists primarily as a guide to the wide and varied world of 70s hideousness. Throughout, a seemingly endless parade of unfortunate choices marches in front of the camera to lecture us about the "All-American Meal" of a hamburger, fries and a soda. Turns out that this traditional on-the-go feast is not actually that good for us.

The Fish That Nearly Drowned is about a fish who [Spoiler Alert] nearly drowns. Whoops, guess that spoiler alert should have come a bit earlier. Forget you saw it! The titular fish in question might actually drown! Because that is something that a fish can evidently do! At least a fish named Silverus tells us this is the case. Believe it or Don't!

One day, Christine decides to explore the construction site next to her house with her friend Mario. They have fun climbing on equipment, scaling ladders and leaping into granular substances which likely rendered both of them sterile. All this fun comes to a horrific end when Christine sets a trap for Mario and he has a terrible accident. It's then up to her kid brother Ricky to save the day!

Cooks and Chefs is full of helpful tips for the up-and-coming culinary professional. For example, did you know that it's completely normal and expected for line cooks to be skilled ice sculptors? Well it is, so make sure and spend years training under a master before you even bother turning in that McDonald's application, bucko.

Drinking problems! In real life? Devastating addictions that can ruin careers and tear marriages apart. Clumsily depicted onscreen in 70s educational shorts? Hilarious! Mike, Kevin and Bill team up to riff one of their top three intoxicating liquid substances, Alcohol!

Why would you want to go outside and sail a toy boat when you could sit in a classroom and watch a film about other kids sailing a toy boat? The existence of Sailing a Toy Boat asserts that you wouldn't, of course, you don't. This short must have inspired lots of discussion questions from the students who watched it, such as "are we going to sail toy boats now?"