RiffTrax Shorts

One Got Fat is the real deal - a concentrated dose of lab-purified nightmare fuel. To give away too much would be to blunt the surprise of your upcoming trauma... but here's a hint: A teeming sea of pre-adolescent ur-monkeys are murdered one by one, all to the whimsical narration of the lubricious Edward Everett Horton! Yay! Mike, Bill and Kevin are there with you, shivering in terror in the dark.

The affable John is our tour guide through this carnival mirror nightmare, and at the end, as we babble on cold and terrified like Nietsche's madman ("Do we not stray, as through infinite nothingness? Does not empty space breathe upon us? Has it not become colder? Does not night come on continually, darker and darker?") we're just glad that Mike, Kevin and Bill were there to mop up the despair!

You've suspected you weren't popular for some time, from the moment you were rejected by CompuServe because you just weren't cool enough. This short will help you solve the question once and finally: "Are you popular?" There are no easy answers, friends (that is, the answer is "no", of course, which is not always easy to hear) but Mike, Kevin and Bill are more than happy to be your guides.

Your home is crawling with hazards! You are not safe! In fact, never mind, because you're already dead; killed by your stupid house. "But RiffTrax," you say, "many shorts have already exposed the obvious truth that my home is a deadly, sinister trap. What's so great about this one?" Aha! Do other shorts feature the groovy safety dominatrix Guardiana? One other one does, but then so does this one!

The youth of today, no longer content to roll a hoop with a stick, play endless hours of mumbly peg, or work a lathe at a factory 14 hours a day for just pennies, need something to occupy them. A place where they can rap, just let it all hang out, encounter one another, preferably over terrible boiled coffee. This short makes a strong case that what these kids need is a coffeehouse rendezvous.

Just one viewing of this short will let you answer confidently when someone asks, Why Doesn't Cathy Eat Breakfast? To further expand your mind, RiffTrax is proud to offer you the weirdest thing ever - a short subject called Petaluma Chicken. If you have any interest in omelet making history, you owe it to yourself to see this. The guys will be your guides through this important double feature.

Heroin, it turns out, is bad. The Terrible Truth lays waste to the myth that regular heroin use is a healthy part of a balanced diet. Professional scowler Judge William B. McKesson guides us through a case study of Phyllis Howard (no relation to Curly) who tries marijuana and quickly begins vacuuming up Charlie Parker-levels of Mexican black tar heroin.

Meet Phil. Like all children from the fifties, he enjoys playing ball, building soapbox racers, and taunting his non blond-haired, blue-eyed classmates. Things are going great for Phil until a puppet shows up in his class. The Puppet, Ichabod Dorian Bungle III, or "Mister" to his friends, delivers a powerful lesson about lunch room safety