I Am Not An Animal

Julian Lovely breaks into Vivi-sec and sets the animals free.

The animals are stranded in the countryside and look for a place to go.

The wild is a cruel, dangerous environment for any animal, especially without cash. Being a fugitive doesn't pay well, Mark the bird's music career hasn't taken flight yet and the money found hidden in a shoebox in Greenbank cottage is running low. Pride prevents Philip the horse from claiming disability benefit on account of the difficulty he has getting up the stairs, so when Hugh blows their last £400 on a broken laptop, the animals are forced to embark on a series of moneymaking schemes.

Lust is in the air at Greenbank Cottage: Hugh has completely fallen for Claire, who's too busy with her "boyfriends." Winona's hopes are fading of ever meeting her true love, Tim Robbins, so she looks to Philip. But his heart is lost to Beigey, a gorgeous filly- another impossible love. Unwanted baby rats, monkey jealousy, the Winona, Philip, and Beigey love triangle and a horrific attempt at canine facial waxing all culminate in a chaotic dinner party.

Mark (stage name Glen Belt), is struggling to write a hit single. But his lyrics are awful and he can't think of a chorus. His self-run fan website has received no visitors. But Keiko, a musical prodigy in Tokyo, stumbles on the site, falls in love with him and sends him a chorus. Mark tells Keiko to get lost, takes the chorus, posts it on the site and sinks into a depression. He surfaces a week later to find the song is a massive hit, but he isn't prepared for the fame he's always craved.

Life away from Vivi-Sec UK just hasn't worked out. Unsurprisingly, Julian gets less than a hero's welcome when he shows up again, bent on finishing the job of setting our animals free. An already tense situation escalates into a full-scale siege when Mark finally snaps and goes mad with a gun. With the house surrounded by armed police and Julian issuing a demand that all animals everywhere are given free passage to "somewhere nice, like Tuscany," it looks like the end for our furry fugitives.