Bad Education

Alfie is under pressure from Miss Pickwell to mark his mock exam papers, but news that Miss Gulliver is now single poses a serious distraction.

Fraser asks Alfie to supervise the incoming group of French exchange students with instructions not to duplicate last year's disaster when randy French boy Jean Claude disgraced himself. As a result the staff have to teach sex education with varying results.

Violent computer game Tokyo Sin is all the rage and the pupils are copying its most dangerous move, the blitz kick. To impress Miss Gulliver Alfie aims to stamp out the craze by declaring a weapons amnesty, bribing his class to bring weapons to school, though none are forthcoming.

Alfie is relegated to assisting Rosie Gulliver as, driven by the enterprising Frank, they take the kids to the Tring Ink Museum and Petting Zoo. The place is a shambles, the pupils bored and Rosie incensed by a caged pig.

The school prepares to play local public school Middleton House at football and Fraser appoints Alfie as team coach.

The elections are underway for school president. Handsome brain-box David Millbank and thuggish Tory Grayson seem to be clear winners so Alfie puts forward Joe for the sympathy vote.