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PRIMETIME EMMYS® 2X nominee in 2013

Two and a Half Men

Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer star in this Emmy?-nominated comedy about two brothers and a precocious kid. Charlie Harper is a bachelor in paradise - complete with Malibu beach house, overpaid job and an incredibly active dating life. When his uptight brother, Alan, in the throes of a divorce, moves in - and brings his 10-year-old son, Jake, with him, suddenly, it looks like paradise lost. Sorry Charlie.
IMDb 7.1200324 episodes
X-Ray18+
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Episodes

  1. S1 E1 - Pilot
    September 21, 2003
    23min
    13+
    Commercial jingle writer Charlie Harper (series star CHARLIE SHEEN) is a wealthy bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the garage and an easy way with women. But his Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his uptight chiropractor brother, Alan (series star JON CRYER), arrives unexpectedly with Alan's 10-year-old son, Jake (series star ANGUS T. JONES).
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  2. S1 E2 - Big Flappy Bastards
    September 28, 2003
    22min
    13+
    Unsure how to properly discipline Jake, Charlie ignores him after the child "forgets" to stop feeding the seagulls and leaves the door open. As a result, the gaggle of birds enters the house. Meanwhile, Alan gets a surprise from Judith when he goes home to fix her sprinklers.
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  3. S1 E3 - Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
    October 5, 2003
    22min
    13+
    When Alan's attempt to provide Jake with a fun-filled father/son weekend backfires, Charlie tries to console his brother by taking him to a local bar and getting Alan totally inebriated. As Alan and Charlie travel home, their meddling Cab Driver (DARRYL SIVAD), hearing the brothers' woes about their narcissistic, controlling mother, offers them some unsolicited therapy.
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  4. S1 E4 - If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
    October 12, 2003
    22min
    13+
    As Charlie tries to write a new jingle, Berta quits, and Alan, leaving Charlie to get Jake ready for a dinner, tries to convince her to come back; Rose tries to get Charlie's help to prepare for a date.
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  5. S1 E5 - Last Thing You Want is to Wind Up with a Hump
    October 19, 2003
    19min
    13+
    After a drunken night in Las Vegas, Charlie reluctantly attends one of Jake's soccer games. But Alan and Charlie soon discover the advantages of going to these matches. The players' mothers are quite attractive, and Charlie makes a date with a particularly sexy soccer mom. Meanwhile, when two single mothers discover that Alan is newly available, they "hit" on him--literally.
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  6. S1 E6 - Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
    October 26, 2003
    21min
    18+
    Charlie rethinks the way he treats women when he, Alan and Jake are forced to cheer up a pitiful Evelyn after her serious new boyfriend terminates their relationship. Meanwhile, Charlie teaches Jake some valuable lessons about screening calls from women, but the lesson backfires when Jake reveals a little too much about what he's learned to a disapproving Alan.
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  7. S1 E7 - If They Do Go Either Way They're Usually Fake
    November 2, 2003
    21min
    13+
    Charlie's beautiful friend Cindy (KRISTIN DATTILO) frequently showers at Charlie's house after surfing. When Jake sees a butterfly tattoo on Cindy's partially nude behind and later draws a picture of it in his classroom, Judith gets angry and goes to talk with Alan and Charlie about letting her son see half naked women.
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  8. S1 E8 - Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful
    November 9, 2003
    19min
    13+
    When Alan and Judith argue during a rehearsal of a play that Jake and his classmates are rehearsing, Charlie is forced to handle a roomful of fourth graders alone. The kids think Charlie is a loser until they realize he wrote the "Maple Loops" cereal jingle.
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  9. S1 E9 - Phase One, Complete
    November 16, 2003
    21min
    13+
    Charlie likes his sweet new girlfriend, Wendy (MYNDY CRIST), but he becomes concerned when Jake forms a strong friendship with her. When Wendy charms Evelyn as well, Charlie worries that Wendy is expecting more from the relationship than he is and ends it. But when Jake gets mad at him, Charlie learns an important lesson.
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  10. S1 E10 - Merry Thanksgiving
    November 23, 2003
    21min
    13+
    When Charlie finds out that his favorite former girlfriend, Lisa (DENISE RICHARDS - "Scary Movie 3," "Undercover Brother"), is getting married, he desperately tries to prove to her that he has become a better family man than her fiance, despite his inability to commit to her.
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  11. S1 E11 - Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
    December 14, 2003
    20min
    13+
    Im Handumdrehen ein neuer Mensch: Charlie fühlt sich in seinem E lement, als Alan ein neues Leben beginnen und sein Äußeres verän dern will.
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  12. S1 E12 - Camel Filters and Pheremones
    January 4, 2004
    21min
    13+
    When Charlie's cleaning woman, Berta (recurring guest star CONCHATA FERRELL), brings her sexy and rebellious 16-year-old daughter, Prudence (MEGAN FOX), to Charlie's house, Jake develops a childish infatuation with her--and Charlie and Alan try to restrain their interest in the flirtatious minor as well.
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  13. S1 E13 - Sarah Like Puny Alan
    January 11, 2004
    21min
    13+
    Alan worries that Charlie will become infected with Jake's contagious cold; however, Alan gets sick instead. Jake heals, and Charlie is fine. Desperate to get a date with a sexy woman, Charlie volunteers a very reluctant Alan to escort the woman's sister, turning the date into a foursome.
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  14. S1 E14 - I Can't Afford Hyenas
    February 1, 2004
    21min
    13+
    When Charlie learns that his credit rating is ruined, and his debts are all overdue, he discovers that his accountant, Stan (RICHARD LEWIS), is completely inept. At Alan's urging, Charlie tries to reduce his spending habits, but he has a difficult time giving up his luxuries.
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  15. S1 E15 - Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
    February 8, 2004
    21min
    13+
    Charlie and Alan find Frankie (recurring guest star JENNA ELFMAN - "Dharma & Greg," "Looney Tunes: Back in Action"), a sexy but seemingly crazy woman, hitting a car with a baseball bat. Despite Alan's warnings, Charlie becomes totally infatuated with her.
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  16. S1 E16 - That Was Saliva, Alan
    February 15, 2004
    22min
    13+
    Frankie (recurring guest star JENNA ELFMAN), the beautiful and intriguing lady whom Charlie and Alan brought home after finding her bashing her therapist's car with a baseball bat, explains why she's in hiding with her 8-year-old daughter, Joanie (recurring guest star JULIETTE GOGLIA).
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  17. S1 E17 - Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
    February 22, 2004
    20min
    13+
    Alan offends Charlie by choosing their crazy cousins as Jake's guardians if he and Judith were to die. Later, Alan does some errands and leaves Jake with Charlie, who's still sulking over Alan's will. As the two play basketball, Jake falls, hitting his head.
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  18. S1 E18 - An Old Flame With a New Wick
    February 29, 2004
    21min
    13+
    Charlie agrees to meet with a former girlfriend who ended their relationship years earlier, leaving Charlie devastated. But Charlie's in for a huge surprise when he discovers that she is now a he, and he, Bill (CHRIS O'DONNELL - "Batman & Robin"), wants to be Charlie's friend. Initially disturbed by the sex change revelation, Charlie relents and befriends Bill.
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  19. S1 E19 - I Remember the Coat Room, I Just Don't Remember You
    March 21, 2004
    19min
    13+
    Judith's sinister-but-sexy sister, Liz (TERI HATCHER - "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman," "Tomorrow Never Dies"), plans to attend Jake's 11th birthday party. Alan asks Charlie--who had sex with Liz in the coatroom at Judith and Alan's wedding--to behave. But when Liz arrives, she ignores Charlie and flirts with Alan instead.
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  20. S1 E20 - Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
    April 18, 2004
    21min
    13+
    Jake becomes a brooding musician when he continuously plays "Smoke on the Water" on his guitar with an ever-present grumpy attitude. In order to cheer him up, Alan tries a father/son chat, Charlie offers a jam session and Berta (recurring guest star CONCHATA FERRELL) just thinks the kid is constipated.
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  21. S1 E21 - No Sniffing, No Wowing
    May 2, 2004
    21min
    13+
    Alan takes Charlie to meet with his sexy and determined divorce attorney, Laura (HEATHER LOCKLEAR - "Spin City," "Melrose Place"), after Judith expresses concern that Charlie is a bad influence on Jake. Charlie and Laura begin a sexual relationship.
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  22. S1 E22 - My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
    May 9, 2004
    21min
    13+
    Alan succumbs to Judith's demand that they take Jake to therapy every week because "it's what all the other divorced parents are doing," but he doesn't realize that he, too, is having issues ... with sleepwalking. Evelyn hints to Charlie that Alan used to sleepwalk as a child, leading Charlie to come up with a clever new solution to Alan's recurring problem.
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  23. S1 E23 - Just Like Buffalo
    May 16, 2004
    21min
    13+
    When Jake imitates one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women decide that Charlie's home is an unfit environment for the child. With the women's approval, Judith agrees to let Alan see Jake on weekends, but not at Charlie's place. Charlie must cajole the support group in order to win his nephew back.
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  24. S1 E24 - Can You Feel My Finger?
    May 23, 2004
    22min
    13+
    One of Charlie's many women fears she's pregnant, and Charlie is relieved when the lady finds out she's not. When Alan realizes that this is not Charlie's first pregnancy scare, he suggests a permanent solution for Charlie--a vasectomy. Charlie's doctor recommends freezing some sperm in case Charlie changes his mind about having children, but things don't go quite as planned.
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Details

More info

Content advisory
Violencealcohol usesmokingfoul languagesexual content
Audio languages
EnglishEnglish Dialogue Boost: MediumEnglish Dialogue Boost: High
Subtitles
English [CC]
Directors
James WiddoesGary HalvorsonPamela FrymanJeff MelmanRob SchillerAndy AckermanTed WassAndrew D. WeymanLee AronsohnJon Cryer
Producers
Warner Bros.
Starring
Jon CryerAngus T. JonesConchata Ferrell
Studio
CBS
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